Thanksgiving, Post-Election: Surviving a Louisiana Homecoming

This upcoming Thanksgiving, I’ll be traveling home to one of the reddest of red states: Louisiana. It’s a state where the education and healthcare system ranks among lowest amongst its peer states. It’s a place where police brutality recently took center-stage. And it’s my home.

This year, my brother who voted for Trump will host Thanksgiving Dinner. Meaning, I’ll be on what equates to “unfriendly” territory. Here are some situations I expect to arise, and how I hope to de-escalate those same situations:

The inevitable “rubbing it in”

I know that my brother and his children will say something about how they knew Trump was going to win. Or at least they patronize me with false sincerity with statements like, “I thought Trump supporters were so deplorable,” or, “Hillary had the election in the bag! How could she lose it?”

At this point, I’ll channel my inner Michelle Obama. “When they go low, we go high.” I’ll say the following PC-laden statement: “the voters came out and felt that a change was needed in how government is run. They felt that this change would come through an orange Troll doll/successful businessman ‘apolitical’ politician who knew what to say to appease those who were looking for a miracle.” I’ll agree, “a part of society has not understood how to move towards a more globalized economy and political structure, and that at the end of the day, they are willing to place their bets on Trump.”

I’ll likely end with “the public has spoken and hopefully Trump will learn to preside over all of his citizens equally, taking care to understand, empathize, and work toward alleviating the concerns of all of his constituents.”

If they continue pressing me at this point, I’ll turn up the Adele (or, in my case, the Britney Spears) and excuse myself while I take my dog for a nice, long walk.

The sibling snicker and side-swipe

For this one, I could just run to my mother and tell her that my brother is being rude and obnoxious, but I won’t stoop to tattle-tailing – I’m not 5 years old, and this is my brother. He’s family, so I have to live with him long after these – hopefully only – four years of unpredictable behavior from the leader of the “free” world.

Instead, if someone chooses to trash Hillary and go on about the wonders of a Trumped-up America, I’ll weigh the outcomes: if it is something relatively excusable, I won’t engage. If someone calls her a murderer for her international choices, I’ll refer to previous Secretaries of State who knowingly sent troops to their death: Robert Lansing during WWI, Cordell Hull a little more than two decades later in WWII, Dean Acheson for the Korean War, James Baker during the Gulf War, and both Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice during the War on Terror. The past Secretaries of State had to use their judgment to make tough decisions and protect our freedoms, just like Clinton did.

If someone brings up the emails and I am feeling feisty, I’ll refer to the multitude of emails George W. Bush and his team lost during their tenure as leaders of the US. Otherwise, if I foresee no legitimate conversation occurring, I’ll just give that person a backhanded compliment on a dish they prepared. I mean, hey, I’m still complimenting them, and I’m only being A LITTLE petty.

“I don’t understand how you could support that crooked Hillary. Trump will make America GREAT again!”

This will probably be accompanied by the clink of ice in a glass filled with Crown Royale. At this point, it’s best to not engage. Under any circumstances. This is when I’ll just walk away and hang out with my nieces or spend time with my grand-niece. Hell, I’d rather talk to my Dad about my future and lack of any substantial impending medical school admissions. In other words, if you find yourself in a similar scene, remove yourself from the situation, because this is where the conversation can go from straight-forward arguments to actual emotional and possibly physical abuse.

Overall, I exaggerate how bad things will be at home. But I’ve always been one to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. My takeaway: have all of your ducks in a row, but don’t go over guns-blazing. Remember, you’re in Trump country now. This is not the safe space of Mailman. Be mindful of your responses and try to maintain a calm demeanor. Especially when tensions and voices rise.

Finally, people will always match the decibel and tone being used with them – control the conversation by keeping everyone in check. Trust me, the rest of your family will appreciate it. Remember, we will represent the democratic or liberal point of view–don’t play into the demonized versions right-wing media has painted of us. As my “friend” Selena Gomez always says, kill ‘em with kindness.

Kittu Pannu is currently a Masters in Public Health candidate at the Columbia Mailman School of Public Health in New York City. Kittu plans on revolutionizing the mental health profession through policies and practices aimed at strengthening relationships between minority patients and mental health professionals.

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